[Anxiety chewed at his stomach as Makoto waited for Rin's next text, a strange sense of dread icing his veins. It was dread at letting his crush be acknowledged--because he felt like once it was acknowledge he would no longer be able to ignore it. It would no longer be a hazy dream, something that could only be true in the realms of fantasy. No longer a passing idea of "I wonder what it would be like to kiss Haru" to be dismissed as nothing more than an intrusive thought. It would be real. Tangible.
He wasn't sure if he was ready to acknowledge it. But Rin didn't leave much choice with his one word text, and all at once the ice in his veins turned to fire.
Haru. God, he really did have feelings for Haru.
Rin's next texts are read in a daze, a mantra of I like Haru, I like Haru, I really like Haru echoing in his mind, the floodgates of his repressed feelings opened completely to bowl him over with repressed thoughts. He always knew--he's known for a while what his feelings for Haru had become, but it was so easy to push them back and lock them away instead of admitting to himself that he had feelings for his best friend.
Feelings for his best friend. Exactly what he should not be feeling about his best friend.
What a horrible friend he was being.
Makoto had to go back and reread Rin's texts again, more guilt piling on his conscious for not paying them the proper attention the first time when Rin was just trying to help him out.]
I dont know.
I dont know if I can tell him.
I just...Im not exactly scared of him knowing? I just dont want him to know.
[He wasn't particularly worried about telling Haru for a specific reason either. Something was holding him back. Guilt? Embarrassment? Fear of change? Not wanting his feelings to be a burden? All seemed like pretty valid reasons for his hesitation.]
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Date: 28 Oct 2014 19:55 (UTC)He wasn't sure if he was ready to acknowledge it. But Rin didn't leave much choice with his one word text, and all at once the ice in his veins turned to fire.
Haru. God, he really did have feelings for Haru.
Rin's next texts are read in a daze, a mantra of I like Haru, I like Haru, I really like Haru echoing in his mind, the floodgates of his repressed feelings opened completely to bowl him over with repressed thoughts. He always knew--he's known for a while what his feelings for Haru had become, but it was so easy to push them back and lock them away instead of admitting to himself that he had feelings for his best friend.
Feelings for his best friend. Exactly what he should not be feeling about his best friend.
What a horrible friend he was being.
Makoto had to go back and reread Rin's texts again, more guilt piling on his conscious for not paying them the proper attention the first time when Rin was just trying to help him out.]
I dont know.
I dont know if I can tell him.
I just...Im not exactly scared of him knowing? I just dont want him to know.
[He wasn't particularly worried about telling Haru for a specific reason either. Something was holding him back. Guilt? Embarrassment? Fear of change? Not wanting his feelings to be a burden? All seemed like pretty valid reasons for his hesitation.]